Megan's thoughts on stuffs

From Wounded Knee to Dancing the Way--my day about the American Indian

2011-09-14T15:38:00.005-11:00

If you know me, it's no secret I am in love with INDIA. Bollywood movies, making chai...and well KOLKATA are just some aspects of it that I enjoy. Though I wish my blog was more organized or comprehensive, I am going to go ahead and explore a (seemingly) random group of people/issue that has been on my heart. Another kind of "Indian..."

I invite YOU to learn w/me too--click on the links! comment!

I am having trouble placing the origin of this urge, but I lately it has grown stronger. I have been wanting to learn more about Native American history. To hear some TRUTH--about the way of life, culture, and traditions of tribes, about the tragedies and triumphs. History just makes me so sad AND angry. My first brush-up with these feelings (besides when I watched Disney's Pocahontas) in recent times was when I saw an exhibit in Denver, Colorado that gave a story of how treaties were blatantly broken and an entire people group exploited over a century (series of photos w/story here).

Since then, I heard from students through the UMD Alternative Spring Breaks program about their volunteering on the Pine Ridge Reservation. However, I really failed to ever REALLY capture the story of just what happened the indigenous peoples in America.

I am not an expert in a day, but here's what I did on Monday and learned:

I began my day with watching an HBO movie called Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. It always helps me to SEE what things were like rather than just have the dates, names, and facts written out in front of me. Through the acting, I could begin to sense what people were actually feeling. The movie chronicles the Sioux victory at the battle of Little Bighorn, the subsequent attempts to have peace treaties with the white men, and then the massacre at Wounded Knee.

Three main things I pondered after the film--NAMES, LAND, and TREATIES. Basically, how much identity can be wrapped up in a name and the sadness of how people had to change the name given to them to a "biblical" name. Then how this applies to learning names--even the hard ones--for me to make MORE of an effort to remember people's names and not be so lazy just because it seems hard or foreign. The concept of land--I just really liked how one of the main characters said there was no word or phrase in any tribe's tongue about OWNING THE EARTH. Finally, treaties--they can be a bunch of bull #*&%--they can't make peace and create equality, someone has dominance and has the most freedom to break it.

I then spent afternoon exploring the National Museum of the American Indian. I started with general information about each tribe's culture & beliefs, moved down a floor to learn about histories of each tribe, and then to the floor about "where we are now." I took in A LOT of information. For me at museums, I like to read a lot of the text--I don't really look at a ton of the stuff. Anyways, I also stopped at a learning station to learn about CORN and saw a short AWESOME multi-media film introduction. I ended my journey in the gift shop & food court--skimming some books and eating delicious vegetarian options from the various regions of tribes.

I took careful notes on how Christians/Christianity was involved amidst it all. It was probably the most detrimental force for the spirit of the Indian. Religion was forced on them and used to oppress the people --to devalue their belief system and take away their cultural identity. There was no attempt to incarnate the gospel with cultural understanding--just judgement. Boarding schools were instituted by the government and run by the church to assimilate indigenous children. I eventually found SOME respect for the American Indian by Christians when I read about people who translated the Bible into different indigenous languages and then invited people, rather than force them to hear about Jesus. It just saddened me how so-called Christians misrepresented the Word made flesh and Creator by not only making the indigenous assimilate, but also how they DID NOT stand in solidarity with them against greedy governmental forces.

Any chance for hope or redemption?

It lead me to the final portion of my education as I was left with questions--JESUS, WHAT ABOUT THESE PEOPLE? WHAT DOES RECONCILIATION LOOK LIKE HERE? WHAT IS SHALOM FOR THE INDIGENOUS PEOPLE OF AMERICA?

First Nations and Christian: Cheryl Bear and dance group Dancing the Way from Urbana 09 on Vimeo.

I searched not because I needed to see how "Christianity" is redeemed, but how God is redeeming this to himself. One thing that came to mind was a speaker, Cheryl Bear, I remember from a conference I went to followed by a performance by the First Nations dance group, Dancing the Way. (WATCH HER SHARE HER STORY followed by THE PERFORMANCE ABOVE). She shares about her struggles with identity as a First Nation Christian and also about how her and her family travel to every first nation community in the U.S. and Canada to heal past wounds and represent the true Jesus in a way that people of that culture can embrace.

I also read up on this non-profit on the Pine Ridge reservation that some friends have worked for called RE-MEMBER. I just LOVED how they described their mission (click to read). I found it interesting they titled a section on their site "non-evangelical mission," which some Christians may look at it and say THAT'S DOESN'T INVOLVE GOD'S WORK or HOW COULD THIS SERVE PEOPLE, BUT NOT BE EVANGELICAL OR EXPLICITLY CHRISTIAN-BASED?! And I would side with what Re-Members says and say it is still part of God's redeeming work: "RE-MEMBER's approach to outreach ministry is based on our understanding of our Christian responsibility, mandate and desire to feed, clothe, shelter and heal those who are marginalized by society. We do not travel to the Reservation to preach, proselytize or convert." They seem to have a heavy focus on building relationships. I know Jesus preached, but I also know he set out a model of BEING with the marginalized and how his gospel story of being God and then BEING INCARNATED among us is quite a BIG and sufficient model of Christ's kingdom. HOWEVER, you do not have to be Christian to volunteer with Re-member and I also respect people of all faith-backgrounds working together.

A Quick Poem-ish I wrote

There is no name

There is no word

Speak it into existence

Silence it into extinction

Murder the flesh

But not the spirit

It still cries out

Echoing--echo, echo!

One cannot contain it

One cannot wish it away

One can only...hear it

Remember it

Speak it into existence

Before silence brings extinction

They have names

They have words

Stories of massacre

Some of triumph

They still cry out

Present-voices heard

They cannot be contained

Or declared inanimate

We can only LISTEN to them

So now what?

I don't know. I think the tug on my heart was to LEARN MORE first. Then SHARE some of what that was and to CONTINUE to remember the stories I've heard. I hope you explore some too! I will look for opportunities to become involved and keep an ear turned toward the issues indigenous people face today. Feel free to comment, add some knowledge/wisdom, suggest good books or movies related to this, ask questions...whatever! :)

Lily

2011-04-04T18:04:00.001-11:00

dreams are great. they are a place where your subconscious can work things out...where you can be in a different world...where you can interact with and hear from God...a temporary existence elsewhere. i could go on forever--but if you know me, you know i like to talk about them & their significance, strangeness or just plain silliness, or sometimes (unfortunately) darkness. but tis not the case of last night.

i had a dream for the first time with my biological mother in it. we had fun going around new york city--just traveling on the subway. my brain even included her mental illness in her projection--not trying to make her "more perfect" in any way. she was a beautiful person. i was glad to have met her,

in my dream.

one day it will be a reality.

i dwelled on it all day until all the details had fallen out of my memory--all except for her spirit of adventure and a sense of/love for freedom--which are the things i've felt within me all of my life...

<3 <3 <3

Voyage of the Dawn Treader

2010-12-06T18:43:00.002-11:00

I Hope They Don't Screw This Scene Up!!!

I was just downstairs watching television and to my surprise, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Narnia's 3rd movie installment, is coming out WAY earlier than I thought (this Friday!).

The main point is I want to have one last place to treasure one of my FAVORITE/most MEMORABLE scenes from all the Chronicles of Narnia books in case the movie ruins it (so here's your *SPOILER ALERT* if you haven't read the book).

In the book, there's a scene where the character, Eustace, has an encounter with Aslan. Up until this encounter, Eustace is turned into a dragon as the result of his irresponsibility, childishness, selfishness and greed (he put on a golden bracelet that cursed him and he can't take it off). It takes Eustace becoming a dragon for him to value his friends and learn to consider the needs of others.

After a while, he just wants to be a boy again and NO ONE was able to help him. He desperately cries out and begs Aslan to help him. There's A LOT of symbolism in this scene that one can apply, but my favorite part is how Aslan helps Eustace become un-dragoned.

Aslan tells Eustace that the change will be painful. He goes on, using his claws to scrape the dragon skin off of Eustace's body as he becomes a boy again. I hope they include this scene, and do it well!

This scene just reminds me of how as God helps us to get rid of our sins, it hurts. Sin is not just some ball you hold and can toss away, but it can become part of you, or in this case, a SHELL of you. The removal of it is therefore FELT. Although painful, this is the only way we inhabit our own true skin. Finally, it's NOT something we can do ourselves.

Eustace (illustration from the book)

This is the only scene I remember from the Voyage of the Dawn Treader, but I hope the whole movie turned out well! Let's hope it stuck to the book better than Prince Caspian did!

That's all I got for now, short and sweet instead of a deep-analysis. C.S. Lewis is awesome.

even though this love is hard to come by...

2010-09-10T04:38:00.005-11:00

I

CANNOT BE A MANIPULATOR.
ONLY THE LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST SHOULD
REIGN IN ME,
INSTEAD OF MY SELFISH LOVE.
NEITHER HONESTY NOR LOVE SHOULD BE
THE WEAPON TO INCITE GUILT IN ANOTHER.
HURT MAY TEMPT ME, BUT NO ONE SHOULD LOVE ME
IF I KEEP A RECORD OF THEIR WRONGS.
AND EVEN THOUGH THIS LOVE IS HARD TO COME BY,
NEVER SHOULD ITS WORTH OF GOLD BE TRADED
SO THAT I CAN HAVE A FORCED PENNY.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS
HOW CHRIST HAS LOVE FOR ME THAT HE
ILLUSTRATED THROUGH HIS LIFE, DEATH, AND
RESURRECTION.
THERE IS NO NEED TO MANIPULATE,
ESPECIALLY NOT JESUS BECAUSE HE HAS
ENOUGH LOVE FOR THE WHOLE WORLD--AND THIS KIND OF LOVE
NEVER FAILS.

--------------------------------------
1 Corinthians 13

Bidhan Nagar

2010-01-16T16:30:00.002-11:00

I know there has been a huge natural disaster in Haiti recently that has caused many deaths along with much more strife. May God send more and more of his people to aid those who are suffering there. Pray for our brothers and sisters that are involved in this tragedy.

I would also like to draw attention to a disaster that is not in American news. In Kolkata, India where it's estimated 600 families (2,500 people) have been displaced/became homeless because of a fire. They also lost all their possessions (dowry, sleeping mats, cooking utensils etc.).

The cause of the fire is "unknown," but it is almost certain that it was on purpose by developers in order to use the land for "improvement" or even expanding stuff for the railway station the slum was near.

A good friend of IV's Global Urban Trek has been ministering to the slum and many teams have worked there. I'm pretty sure most everyone I went on the Trek with this summer visited this slum at one point or another. Please, above all these people could use your PRAYERS.

Also, if you'd like to donate to our friend, Mahadeb, he will use the money to help the people any way he can. Just email me or comment or whatever if you'd like his address to send a check to.

Here's an article if you'd like to read more:
http://www.telegraphindia.com/1100114/jsp/calcutta/story_11979989.jsp

The title of the slum is the title of this blog and it's also called the Basanti Colony.

I shall continue to lament... it's one of those things that's hard to go about my day-to-day knowing that people I met and in a city I love are suffering like this--especially when it's suspected to be no accident.

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQMDa6qnSnk

simple sorrows and simple joys

2009-12-18T03:11:00.001-11:00

"Even Angels Cry"

I whisper,"You don't have to worry, we'll survive"
Forced smiles underneath the brittle, frozen light
No proof that you're alive
Cold fingers find the curve below your tired eyes
No comfort in familiar places, not this time
You hold it deep inside

Oh sister, if you wake up in the night
Walls are falling, letting in the light
No need to worry
Baby, even angels cry

No flood warnings, still the waters rise
Flowers through asphalt, Diamonds in the pockets of your eyes
Turn your face and hide
I saw a woman with ribbons in her hair
Old and lonely, so beautiful I had to stop and stare
The well will not run dry

Oh sister, if you wake up in the night
Walls are falling, letting in the light
No need to worry
Baby, even angels cry

Oh sister, if you wake up in the night
Walls are falling, letting in the light
No need to worry
Baby, even angels cry

Cry Sister, if you wake up in the night
Walls are falling, letting in the light
It'll be alright
Baby, even angels cry

Baby, please don't worry
Not tonight

<3 <3 <3

it's okay to cry.
make sure you don't miss the simple beauty of a woman with ribbons in her hair, old and lonely...so beautiful

Even Angels Cry--Jars of Clay (listen)

---

Arise and be all that you dreamed...

2009-11-29T19:09:00.002-11:00

Call me a nerd, but I'm a sucker for creative stories that go with music. One might deduce from that statement that I am a fan of Broadway musicals or Bollywood films. If that be the assumption, one would be CORRECT! However, that is not what I stopped working on my paper that's due tomorrow to blog about. It's about a particular song on the new Flyleaf album, "Momento Mori".

For this album, the songs can stand well on their own, but they make much more sense if one reads the entire album booklet. This is because there's a story of a "commander" of the "passerby army" that shares journal entries with "his dear ones" from the war with the "dread army" (you may be able to infer what some of the imagery and parallelism is, if not, that's too bad because i'm not going to include it in this blogpost)(okay, basically people who are followers of Christ are in the passerby army and those who are not are in the dread army...and I think the commander is someone like Paul while the King is Jesus...there are more characters, but I won't get into that) Each "journal entry" by the "commander" is a song on the album.

Not gunna lie, some of Flyleaf's songs are creeps...too creeps for me to enjoy. BUT I do enjoy their music (not just for its evanescence/paramore sound) because everything relates back to God/a relationship with Him, sometimes not being afraid to mention darkness. In other words, sometimes it requires a certain mood to get into them. Not all songs are "emo", like "All Around Me"...but one can find quite a few. Also, one must like headbanging a bit ;)

ALL THIS BACK-STORY, to share with you what is written in the booklet for this song called "Arise":

"This will be the last letter that I will be able to write to my sons and daughters before we enter by far the fiercest battle this conflict has seen.

Dearest children, my favorite ones,

You are mature now and you can handle hearing about the things I'm going to tell you, so brace yourself and be strong. Many in the passerby army have been injured, killed, or captured, but none of us have surrendered to the dread army! I believe that we have already won as it has been prophesied, so don't lose heart! I know that everything good around you seems to be lost, but please stand firm! We have all committed to give our lives to bring peace, faith, hope, freedom, and above all love to the world because we believe in love, above all things! Don't give up on our world! It has enough hope in it to die for! If I do die here, it is so others will live. Remember, a seed can't become a seed-bearing, life-giving tree unless it first dies and is planted in the ground. Always know that whether I live or die, you have been called to fulfill your purpose and further our mission! I've watched you grow together as a family and you are more selfless now than you have ever been. Because of this, your heart is now right for reflecting glory. Momento Mori, my favorite ones, because your time on this earth is brief. Arise and be all that you dream. Encourage each other and remember to sing over each other, over your family, and over yourself, "Arise and be all that you dream!"

--- Love Eternally, The Commander."

That message coupled with the song's lyrics AND instrumentation causes me to move into a place where I feel like I have hope and purpose. I know that Paul writes to the church in this way. I'm by no means saying this song is a substitute for God's word, but rather it is a reminder and another way to connect to God in times when it is hard to crack open the Bible.
Anyways, this song also reminds me about Jesus' victory over death. Jesus' resurrection is one of the hardest things for me to fully wrap my head around... not just because of the action, but its implications for my life and for this world. I think this song reminds me of the resurrection because it represents where the world is now. Because Jesus rose from the dead, evil has been conquered, yet it still exists in this world AND/BUT because of the resurrection we have hope knowing that Jesus has already defeated evil. That sounds confusing... it is. It's also strange that that's what I think about because I think the "commander" is pointing to Jesus' death on the cross and how we also share in His death. In fact, the album's title is "remember, you must die."

I can see I need to get better at putting my thoughts in a blog-form. I do know one thing though... I would be very sad if you read this whole thing, but did not listen to the song in its entirety, so I will post a link to it again: ARISE AND BE ALL THAT YOU DREAMED ... I'd also be sad if you don't listen to the other song below ;)

( on a side-note, if you like what you hear, my other favorite song from this album is "Again"-- "her heart breaks with every injustice, she prays like everything depends on God, but then lives like it all depends on her. even though she's strong,there are times when she tries to carry all the weight of the world on her own and she ends up crushed, brought to her knees. as she cries out for relief, she will finally let go, surrendering all the burden by believing that everything has a purpose and will work out for good...its only here that she finds air to breath again" )

So there you go, I have a broad taste in music...but today you get a glimpse into one genre I enjoy.

Psalm 42

2009-11-15T08:27:00.000-11:00

As the deer pants for streams of water,
       so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
       When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food
       day and night,
       while men say to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?"
These things I remember
       as I pour out my soul:
       how I used to go with the multitude,
       leading the procession to the house of God,
       with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
       among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God.
       My soul is downcast within me;
       therefore I will remember you
       from the land of the Jordan,
       the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
       in the roar of your waterfalls;
       all your waves and breakers
       have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
       at night his song is with me—
       a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God my Rock,
       "Why have you forgotten me?
       Why must I go about mourning,
       oppressed by the enemy?"
My bones suffer mortal agony
       as my foes taunt me,
       saying to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?"
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God.

real children, real Jesus...

2009-10-07T09:34:00.003-11:00

the preivous advertised blog will eventually take place, when i get some time

DISCLAIMER: we'll see how this goes as I wrote about this next post in my journal, not much background or detail, sorry! I'm leaving it in its original form for "my eyes only," so you may not understand it the way I do or you may get caught up in my personal communications style or grammar. Anyways, I thought I'd mix it up:

{Reflecting on a moment volunteering at Sister's of Charity (Shanti-Dan) in Kolkata...

10/1/09

[While there, I was overwhelmed by the reality of children who were craving love and attention. Specifically, the moment there were 6 or so children ages 4 and under sitting on the floor...in a sort of "circle," CRYING. Crying because they were sad, their world was not right. They wanted love. To be touched, to be played with... I looked at all of them in the eyes as I sang:

"Jesus loves the little children,

all the children of the world..."

repeatedly, as their sniffles began to disappear. They looked back at me as if they were contemplating the truth that came from my lips. It was a solemn look. No smiles emerged. Just calm. Peace.]

I began to cry as I reflected on this moment. It was so real. No documentary. No pictures. No commercial sob story. Not someone else's experience. Just me, Jesus, and those children--real children with no homes, but with names. I cried out WITH them...to Jesus-- asking Him to reveal His love...for the children to feel it and know it.}

this is messy, but i think i'll leave my blog at that... unscripted, unedited :)

This Calming Place

2009-09-05T16:10:00.013-11:00

natural sounds

of running water

trickling through the rocks

of chirping bugs

filling in silence

peaceful images

of drifting leaves

floating down the stream

of shimmering rocks

flickering in the sun

refreshing smells

of growing wood

standing very tall

of breathing plants

swaying in the breeze

In such a Calming Place

I know I see Your face in the...

natural sounds

of Your soothing voice

peaceful images

of Your living creation

refreshing smells

of Your pleasing fragrance

Bloggin’ for Jake... I'll miss him

2009-06-02T12:07:00.002-11:00

6/1/09

It is time for me to call it a night, but I’m having a hard time falling asleep because I can hear Riley (my 18 month old English Mastiff) crying from the garage. She doesn’t like being by herself when it’s bedtime. We had to put my German Shepherd, Jake, down last night.

He bit my neighbor on the arm when my parents were around… he wasn’t critically injured, but the fact was that it was hard to control Jake when strangers were around that we didn’t introduce him to. My parents explored all other options (police dogs, give away, be more careful etc.) but found this was “best.” I trust their judgment and don’t blame anyone for this…it just sucks. The last time I saw him was like 10 days ago because my parents took him in the middle of the night.

So anyway, it’s been hard being around the house. There is now some sort of huge void. Like driving home from the Hillsong concert tonight, I couldn’t help but think about how I used to be greeted by a groggy Jake who’d stretch and soon be ready and energetic. Or MY FAVORITE was when I’d be on the computer late into the night and he’d be sleeping on “his chair” or by the front door. I’d go to say goodnight to him, and with his tired eyes he’d look at me and plant a few sweet licks on my nose.

This morning when I woke up, it was a shocker and I was obviously upset. It’s just not the same. Jake had this aura of energy around him at all times. I’m so used to walking around the house with him by my side trying to anticipate where I would go next. I’m used to opening the back door to let the dogs out and have him bolt out there. I took Riley for a walk into the woods today and that’s not the same either because there was no dog running 100ft ahead or dropping toys at my feet. She’s just lackadaisical and clumsy, which is fine, but I’m used to there being a balance. It’s funny how my dogs would walk the same trail in the woods at least 4 times a day and Jake was ALWAYS excited to be out. He loved to run. He was so lean and athletic and could catch any flying object in mid air and look like a champ catching it! He was fast enough to catch deer.

Jake was so loyal. He’d fight a grizzly bear to the death for me if he had to. No matter how far away he was, if he heard my voice he’d swivel around quickly and obey my commands. With one noise form my mouth “mmmMMMmm” he’d go directly to his cage. He’d always do what I said or what he felt was best for me ;)

We loved each other the first time we met. Not in a romantic way of course, but that kind of love that “pals” have. I remember the day we took him home on my lap. Surprisingly, he actually could fit his whole body on my lap. I remember comforting him for his first of many car rides. When we got home, he’d follow me EVERYWHERE. He was so cute with his oversized-ears that flopped to the side and his HUGE paws that he clumsily ran on. The first night, Ricardo and I slept by the little cage we had him in so he wouldn’t cry all night. As a pup, he took many naps…but you had to get the energy out of him first. I used to just run around the house a few times and he’d chase me because he wouldn’t want to be alone. Finally, we’d go inside and he’d fall asleep on the A/C vent. When he was still a puppy, we used to take him over to my neighbor’s house to play with their black lab. He was smaller and not as fast, but that didn’t last very long! He grew big and fast AND SMART: I remember, it took me ONE DAY to teach him “sit,” “lay down,” “paw,” and “up.” ONE DAY. Then like one week to get him to go in his cage on command.

I knew he was attached when every time I came home from school, without fail, he’d greet me at the door of my car. For most of his 2 puppy years, he’d pee all over the driveway because he was so excited to see me. Another good and silly thing about Jake is he wouldn’t JUMP on me…he was a LEANER J Even when in the house, Jake had to be in the same room as me.

He just loved to play and run around. He loved fetch and was amazing at it too. Rocks at the lake were his favorite. He also loved swimming. One quirky thing he’d do is drop a ball under a table and purposely get himself stuck so you could grab the ball before he’d be tempted to snatch it up again. I loved playing with Jake in the winter because I could get a little dirtier and play on the ground. He had a huge affinity for gloves and hats though! When we got lazy ol’ Riley, I was surprised to see how he put up with her following him around and bugging him. He was so patient with her. Though, he did establish an alpha-dog position for himself…understandable, he was there first and was older ;)

There are 2 funny stories about him I’ve shared and will share again as well as record for future reference. One time, my mom and I were working on a puzzle on a coffee table that was giving us some trouble. On the last day, we were missing 2 essential pieces and just wondered at where they could be. A few hours later, I was sitting in the study and heard Jake hacking something up (he was still puppy-ish). I went over to comfort him and looked to the floor to see the pieces that my mom and I needed! They didn’t quite fit, but I was excited to share this with her. J

The other story involved flatulence. Everyone knows dog-farts rank…but that’s not the worst part, they’re silent so you can NEVER tell when they’re coming. BUT THIS ONE TIME, not too long ago, Jake let a few go that created some noise. He cocked his head in confusion…I was as confused as he was, but I literally laughed out loud for a good 5 minutes because of his expression.

I’m gunna miss my Boo-bah, my Jakie-poo. I loved him a lot, kind of like a toddler. I’m not equating the life of my dog to that of a human’s, but he was more than just a pet. He couldn’t talk, but he could communicate and had personality. He loved unconditionally and was dependent on us, but did all he could to return the favor to our family by protection. It’s unfortunate he has to be remembered for biting someone…like he’s some aggressive monster. But I knew a sweet pup who had protection of the pack built into his nature. I’m going to remember him this way, and hope all can too! My life will go on, I’ll be sad only a little while…but that doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. I haven’t felt this way about loosing a pet in a while because I never knew a dog like Jake. It sucks that just because he did not fit into the world of humans, he had to leave a world and people that he loved. I was blessed to have him in my life as long as he was. I hope he’s at peace wherever dogs go.

Looking back on '08, Looking Forward to '09

2009-01-01T15:56:00.002-11:00

i apologize...i dont know how to fix the formatting :(

Looking back on '08

The most important/memorable change...

On July 4, 2008 for the first time in my life, I met my biological grandparents. (for those who are reading and are a bit confused by what I mean by that, I am adopted and my mother and biological grandmother have been mailing letters back and forth since October 22, 1989 when I was adopted) This is one of the greatest things to happen in my lifetime. I already have a big family as it is (mom is 1/11 kids and dad is 1/8), but there's always room for more! I'm not saying this because I think I'm awesome, but I know this reunion has been a huge blessing in the lives of my biological grandparents as well (because they tell me all the time). They are the sweetest, most genuine people I have ever met. Not to mention they're old...and old people are cute and get excited about everything!

I was also fortunate enough to meet my great aunt and a second cousin as well! Both were also awesome and caring.

Looking Forward to '09

The most important change...

This month, I will be meeting my biological aunt (birthmother's sister). I'm flying out to Colorado to spend a few days with her and am really looking forward to it!

My grandparents are slowly, but surely finding a way for me to meet my biological mother.

My uncle has yet to show interest in meeting me, but maybe it will happen!

Looking back on '08

Best trip/vacation

This is sort of a hard one, but I think the best trip I took this year was during spring break. I went with

InterVarsity Christian fellowship on this thing called the Urban Plunge. We basically spent 6 days in SE

Washington D.C. living and learning together about the city and the injustice that exists there.

We participated in various activities such as volunteering for a day at an elementary school, touring SW

(about "urban renewal" and such), GED tutoring, Anacostia river clean up, etc. When we were not out

serving and learning about the community, we either played games :) or discussed how our experience

relates to Jesus and how God cares for the city. Then, of course, we related it to our lives and our personal

response to injustice that could occur outside of just being in the city doing volunteer projects. Things

such as how we spend our money, what we do as a career, how to treat the environment, recognizing

racism ,and many more topics. Though there were sometimes (okay many and still are) disagreements,

it was great to be a part of a group of students grappling with these issues with our God in mind. But

most of all, I was greatly impacted to discover just how much Jesus cares about "social justice" and

the broken people of Washington D.C. It broke my heart to see the injustice while I was living in D.C.,

but it was in a good way. I feel my eyes just opened a bit more to the world around me. And finally, we

still were able to find plenty of light in D.C, shining through it's people and the good things that are

happening there (such as when churches like St. Teresa's reach out to their community, or Peace fellowship

that welcomes diversity into it's simple meeting place). I am still challenged by many of the things I

learned on this trip, but am thankful for such a life-changing experience.

Looking Forward to '09

The Urban Plunge...

So guess what? I'm going on the plunge again this year!! I really look forward to seeing what I learn the

second time around. I feel like I've grown so much, I'm a new person and will be going with a different

mindset (that will probably be shattered once again) and go with a different purpose (last time, I had heard

good things about it, and had nothing else to do for break).

Looking back on '08

Eight Randoms/favorites, no order

1) Got a new puppy (who's huge now...english mastiff)

2) Author: Shane Claiborne (books that open my mind and inspired me a lot)

3) Awesome old roommate transferred (sadly), but have another awesome one this year!

4) New Fave Musicians: Jars of Clay, Sigur Ros, Hillsong, Black Violin

5) Cape Cod (fun con mis primos)

6) Going to the lake house with friends (before chapter camp and new student retreat)

7) Growing friendships

8) Fridays

Looking forward to '09

Nine looking forward to's that haven't already been mentioned, no order

1) Thursdays

2) Growing friendships

3) Changing business major to psychology (keeping crim)

4) Re-reading the inheritance series (eragon, eldest, brisingr)

5) Possible abroad trip in summer or winter

6) Getting baptized

7) Learning how to cook

8) Continue to build my guitar skills ('08 was a great year)

9) Growing in my faith through cwazy experiences, friendships, and fellowship

Okay, so Resolutions?

Didn't even think of anything yet...i need more time to think. so, no!

Sorry for a longish post. this is another "deep"ish post

by me. i promise, lighter/fun ones are to come

Merry Christmas to ALL!

2008-12-25T14:08:00.000-11:00

So0o0o.... In never thought that I would make a blog, but here I am on Christmas day in the year 2008, writing my first post.

Here's my one and only apology/warning to all my readers: I am not a wonderful writer, speller, or "grammarist" and will make many mistakes and/or run-on sentences. Please, bear with me!

Secondly, I am always open for discussion. If something I write strikes you (in a good or bad way), feel free to leave a comment, or contact me about it! I am not afraid of talking, even if all you have is disagreement and criticism for me, and even if it's not "constructive" and is straight up "rude," I will still hear it and respond the best way I can! :)

Thirdly, I'll try and post interesting and random thoughts, NOT an online journal!

And, finally, my first post!

If you pay attention to my facebook, then this will not be new information to you. But, for the past few years, "O Holy Night" has been my favorite Christmas song. It has a beautiful melody along with a wonderful news. My favorite verse in particular is often not sung (or only partially sung by Josh Groban). It's as follows:

Truly He taught us to LOVE one another

His law is love and his gospel is PEACE

Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother

And in His name, all OPPRESSION shall CEASE

Sweet Hymns of joy, in grateful chorus raise we

Let all within us, PRAISE His holy name

Christ is the Lord! Oh praise his name forever

His power and glory evermore proclaim

I wish I had more to say about this song, but it sort of speaks for itself.

As of recent, I have a NEW NEW NEW favorite CHRISTMAS song! It is not one of the classics, but speaks with the same fervor of our favorite CHRISTmas songs of old. It even has a sweet melody to it, it's just more "contemporary" sounding. But that's alright since many of our old favorites have been modernized (God Rest Ye Merry Gentlmen by Barenaked Ladies/Sarah McLaughlin). I've decided to share this with you to help express my thoughts about celebrating Christmas and what it really means to me.

It's a day of wonder and awe as I look upon a miracle that occurred for my sake and the sake of the world to be reconciled with the Almighty Creator. It's a beautiful and unique story that has lasted throughout the ages in the hearts of those who love the Lord. Even though my view of Christmas can be blurred by the new meanings the world gave it (commercialism, being "good for goodness's sake, etc.), I can hear a slight, yet fierce whisper from the Lord come forth to remind me about how in Love with me He is (and how in love with Him I am). This song seems to encompass how I feel and how I usually come before the Lord: in wonder and with questions. It's called "How Many Kings" by Downhere:

Follow the star to a place unexpected

Would you believe after all we've projected

A child in a manger

Lowly and small, the weakest of all

Unlikeliness hero, wrapped in his mother's shawl

Just a child

Is this who we've waited for?

How many kings stepped down from their thrones?

How many lords have abandoned their homes?

How many greats have become the least for me?

How many Gods have poured out their hearts

To romance a world that has torn all apart?

How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior

All that we have whether costly or meek

Because we believe

Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure

And myrrh for the cross he'll suffer

Do you believe, is this who we've waited for?

It's who we've waited for!

How many kings stepped down from their thrones?

How many lords have abandoned their homes?

How many greats have become the least for me?

How many Gods have poured out their hearts

To romance a world that has torn all apart?

How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

ONLY ONE DID THAT FOR ME

All for me

All for you

All for me

All for you

Like "O Holy Night," this song emphasizes the state of the world and the sort of things that the Lord would do for nothing in return. However, it has a much different approach. It points out the lowliness of our salvation's entrance in this world. How the Lord Almighty would lower himself and come in a way we would never expect. The song goes on to emphasize this point by asking questions that only point to Jesus and again, highlight the unfathomable love of our Lord. Finally, as you'll notice in the second verse, a response is mentioned... gifts and worship for the newborn King!

If you'd like to hear the song, go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulY2KPmpMwk

The video is boring, but at least you can hear the song for free :)

So now I'll conclude: Our Lord God loves everyone, as the angel who appeared to the Shepherds said, "Do not be afraid. I bring you GOOD NEWS of GREAT JOY for ALL PEOPLE." As I try to wrap my head around that statement, two things come to mind: the way in which our salvation came and our response to it. I love Christmas for many reasons, being with family, holiday treats, and holiday music, BUT most of all, I love it because it's the day to celebrate God's love through the birth of His son and our Savior, Jesus Christ! It's a day where I stand in wonder of this beautiful miracle and praise the Lord for His imaginative character and for His love that came down not just for me, but for ALL PEOPLE!

I hope you all enjoyed Christmas day and were able to ponder and love the true meaning for CHRISTmas :)